Life abroad often comes with its share of excitement and discovery from new cultures, new people, to unexpected opportunities. But for many expats, the hardest moments are not about culture shock or language barriers. They come when loss strikes far from home.
For Nancy Hunter, who spent years living in Switzerland and Denmark, grief became part of her story abroad. While building a successful career in the biotech industry, she also faced the deaths of several close family members; an experience that reshaped how she viewed both life and distance. “As an expat, you sort of become a little planet that orbits on the outside of your family. You miss big milestones, and when loss happens, you often can’t be there immediately. That’s one of the hardest pieces of living abroad.”
The Emotional Cost of Distance
When the pandemic began, Nancy made the difficult decision to return to the United States after many years abroad. “I had a gut feeling something wasn’t going to be right in my family,” she recalls. That intuition proved true, her mother’s health began to decline soon after.
Being home allowed her to care for her mother through the final stages of illness, something she feels deeply grateful for. “There’s a lot of guilt that comes with living abroad,” she says. “You wish you could be there, but you can’t control what’s happening.”
Distance often adds layers to grief. Parents may hide the truth of their health to protect their children, and long-distance communication can make it hard to sense when something is really wrong. “They don’t want to feel like a burden,” Nancy explains. “But it’s hard to support someone if you don’t know the truth.”
Her advice for anyone facing similar situations: create a network of trust. “Talk to neighbors, friends, anyone who can be your eyes and ears,” she says. “It really does take a village.”
Returning Home and Finding Purpose Again
After losing both her mother and brother, Nancy decided to move back to Montana to be near her father. The shift, though difficult, opened new doors. She co-founded Collabio Healthcare, a biotech company built with other professionals who also had international experience.
Reconnecting with old friends and rediscovering familiar places helped her find her footing again, and overcome reverse culture shock. “Coming home and being accepted again has been amazing,” she says. “They knew me as a kid. There’s comfort in that continuity.”
Navigating Grief Abroad
For many expats, loss doesn’t wait for the right time. Flights are expensive, time zones complicate communication, and goodbyes are sometimes missed. Nancy knows that reality well. “You can’t plan for death,” she says. “Sometimes you just have to do your best from where you are. Be gentle with yourself, you’re not failing because you’re far away.”
She also finds strength in small rituals that provide a sense of grounding. For her, faith plays a central role. “There’s an old hymn I grew up with, Great Is Thy Faithfulness, and it reminds me that no matter where I am in the world, there’s a foundation that stays steady.”
When Grief Becomes Part of the Expat Story
Life abroad can be rewarding and challenging in equal measure. Managing grief as an expat means learning to hold both the pain of distance and the joy of discovery at once.
“You do sacrifice a lot as an expat,” Nancy says. “But I don’t regret any of it. There are nights you cry and wonder, ‘Why did I do this?’ But those experiences make you stronger. They make you who you are.”
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