Living abroad sounds amazing, right? The new adventures, the food, the chance to reinvent yourself in a whole new place. But here’s something a lot of expats don’t talk about out loud; that little tug in your chest when you think about home. That’s expat guilt. It sneaks up on you between those picture-perfect moments, reminding you of the birthdays, family dinners, or everyday moments you’re missing.

Whether it’s missing family milestones, feeling disconnected from your roots, or questioning your decision to leave home, this guilt can quietly undermine the joy of your new life overseas. So, let’s talk about how to deal with expat guilt, and how to find balance between your new home and the one you left behind.

What Is Expat Guilt?

It might show up as:

• Feeling bad for missing family birthdays or weddings
• Worrying that your children won’t know their extended family
• Guilt about enjoying a better quality of life than people back home
• Regret for not being there during difficult times

The truth is, this guilt is common and completely human. You can love your new life and miss your old one at the same time.

Why Expat Guilt Happens

Common triggers include:

• Cultural contrasts: Seeing inequalities between your host country and home country.
• Family expectations: Feeling pressure to return, to “settle down” or simply seeing your parents age or the loss of a loved one.
• Social media: Comparing your life abroad to loved ones’ lives at home.
• Pandemic aftershocks: Many expats experienced guilt during lockdowns, unable to travel back home.

Understanding these triggers helps you manage them instead of letting them manage you.

How to Deal with Expat Guilt

1. Acknowledge It Without Judgment

The first step to overcoming expat guilt is accepting that it’s normal. You made a life-changing decision of course, emotions will follow. Write your thoughts in a journal or talk to another expat who understands. Naming the feeling is often half the battle.

2. Reframe Your Perspective

Instead of seeing your move as “leaving,” try to see it as “expanding.” You haven’t abandoned your home; you’ve added another one. This mindset shift helps you embrace both sides of your identity.

3. Stay Connected Intentionally

Schedule regular video calls, send care packages, or start shared rituals like watching the same movie across time zones. Consistency builds closeness, even when you’re miles apart.

4. Release the Need to Be Everywhere

You can’t attend every event or support everyone in person, and that’s okay. Focus on being emotionally present when you can, rather than physically present all the time. Try to connect with family friends or neighbors who can give you objective feedback on how your family is doing, especially if they are aging.

5. Connect with the Expat Community

Talking to others who’ve experienced expat guilt can be incredibly grounding. On the Meet the Expats podcast we’re all about sharing those unfiltered stories: the homesickness, the joy, and everything in between.

6. Listen to yourself

If you feel it is taking over maybe a shift is to be made, listen to your gut, perhaps it is time to go home, expat life doesn’t have to be forever, it is OK to leave also.

Turning Guilt Into Growth

Expat guilt doesn’t have to define your experience abroad. It can be a sign that you care deeply about your family, your culture, and your connections. When you approach that guilt with compassion instead of criticism, it becomes a reminder of your humanity, not your failure. Learn to accept it, and look at all the positive experiences expat life has brought, as well as the growth you have gone through and how you have become a better person.

Remember: you left home to grow, not to forget. And the people who love you most? They want that for you too