Your partner just got an incredible opportunity to move abroad, the kind of career move that doesn’t come around often. This expat life sounds exciting, full of promise, and naturally, you want to be supportive. But as the initial thrill settles, a quieter, more personal question emerges: What about you, the expat partner?
How will this move reshape your life, your career, your identity? When one partner’s path takes the lead, the other can sometimes feel like they’re losing their own, and create frustration or resentment, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Here are a few, empowering tips to help you not just survive, but truly thrive as a trailing partner.
1. Set clear expectations and boundaries with your partner
Before the moving boxes are even taped, sit down together and talk, like really talk. Who’s doing what? What responsibilities will each of you take on? How will emotional labor, domestic work, social planning, and support be shared in this new context? These are jus some of the questions to research and discuss. Be honest about your limits. This clarity isn’t just practical, it’s foundational to maintaining a healthy relationship dynamic when everything else is changing.
Do some research on the type of help you can or cannot get in the new country, and how both of you can create a home that feels like home. Accepting help and support can be essential in preventing burnout due to expat life pressure.
2. (Re)Define your work and career as the expat partner
Will you be able to work in your new country? Do you want to? If yes, explore visa options, job markets, and networking groups early. If not, this could be a moment of reinvention: freelancing, going independent, starting something new. Career identity doesn’t have to take a backseat, it might just change shape.
List the skills you have developed throughout your career, identify your drivers and motivations, and match everything with potential jobs or activities, you can seek for support from a coach to help gain clarity.
If you are going to set up your own business, look into the admin requirements for the country.
3. Explore alternatives and stay connected
If work isn’t an option, your time is still immensely valuable. Volunteering, continuing education, learning the language, or diving into hobbies and the local culture can create structure and purpose, not to mention new social connections. These are not “fillers”, they’re stepping stones to your fulfillment and self-worth in a new environment.
It’s crucial for you to build your own circle and support system so you do not find yourself isolated and emotionally burnt out.
4. Know your why as an expat
This is your anchor. Why are you moving? Not your partner’s company, not the relocation package, you yourself. Is it for the adventure, personal growth, family, love, a break, a reset and need to leave your problems behind, or a soul led move?
Defining your personal “why” will help you stay grounded when the culture shock hits, the homesickness creeps in, or the identity wobble begins. It gives your journey meaning, even on the tough days.
Moving abroad as the trailing expat partner isn’t about putting your life on hold, it’s about reshaping it with intention. While your partner may be the one whose job brought you there, you have just as much right to thrive, grow, and define what this chapter means for you. With clear communication, a sense of purpose, and a little courage, you can build a life that’s not only fulfilling but truly your own. This isn’t just their adventure, it’s yours too.
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